Yeah, sure- it's always good to admit ones mistakes. I should say, it's one way to make pride flee and allow God to use you.
Well, the brothers will allow me yet again to address the precious sisters. I'm not trying to be biased, but I just feel much is demanded of us as women- in relation to courtship.
And for you my dear brother, you wont miss a point that can make you better understand your fiancee. Besides, you can refer your biological sister to this post for her edification.
Kudos.
Now, in my previous post, I talked much on how you as a single woman should forget about the man you are to marry, take time to evaluate, and qualify yourself before the right prince spots you. That's very paramount. You have to first remove the log in your eye before trying to remove the spec in your brothers eye. Most sisters try to do the opposite. They try to put the cart before the horse!
From the spiritual angle, or rather, from Gods college, it doesn't happen so. First, you have to cultivate Gods love in your life before extending it to others. And that applies also to the marriage life.
GOOD. You have qualified yourself: Have prayed (and continue doing so), you are in Gods word, a cheerful giver... doing all things that pertains to the Faith. And now, your venture is to spot your prince.
It's a hard task- you may say, but remember Jesus' word: "...Everything is possible for him who believes." Mark 9:23.
If you believe, then God promises to "... reward those who earnestly seek him" (Hebrews 11:6)
You don't have to close your eyes and wait for your prince. He will come. Or they will come. Sometimes many in number, some seeking for a "romantic" friendship, some seeking for friendship and not sure if it will end in marriage. But one will come as if he is sure of what he want to pursue- a life-long relationship!
How to Know the "ONE" from the multitude
Well, I will deal with one pro tip today. And it's this:
Look Beyond the Outward Appearance
In order for you to find the right husband, that potential husband must
somehow catch your attention. Initially, it’s necessary to be attractive or be
attracted to someone in order to establish a connection with a possible mate.
Now here is where some believers do mistakes and end up entering a
relationship that results in disaster. I personally believe there is much more
to a person than flesh and blood. I also believe that physical attractiveness
is more than being handsome or pretty; it also involves good hygiene and
grooming. In matters marriage, physical fitness, handsomeness, and money are no
measure for a healthy marriage.
Do not narrow you
scope for a potential husband by looks alone.
The worldly culture has tried to make you believe that physical
attraction is first, then godliness and character later. I think differently; when godliness, character, compatibility are intact, they automatically fuel
attraction in a way that honors and pleases God, and bring ultimate safety for
our souls.
Beauty should emanate from within and radiate outward. Everyone would
admire to drive an old, well painted car with clean seats and a working engine
than a car with brand new body but with torn seats and corroded engine. Likewise,
relying on external beauty or handsomeness can be tricky because it is only a
cover that does not indicate what’s inside. A healthy marriage is depicted by
how the husband and wife show respect to each other regardless of the outward
attractiveness.
I must be quick to note that physical attraction is a good thing, but
not to the level in which our culture has placed it.
Culture has put physical appearance as the most important reason to
base our decision to marry at the expense of other meaningful attributes that
goes with a person. Allow me help you. As you are reading this post right now,
hours are slowing passing by, hours add up to days, then months and years.
Simply put, we are all wrinkling!
That little component in you or in your suitor that you so much base your
attraction on will vanish in a matter of time and must be replaced by
attraction grounded on covenant and character.
If you accept a man only because he has a "good" facial appearance, well-built or talks eloquently, then you are on route to disaster. Likewise, a
potential husband should not marry you because of your flawless hair, physical
body structure or your brilliance. All these are timely components which fade
away with time.
A sister once told me that when she got cancer, everything that made her
attractive outwardly got lost- her good hair, strength, vibrancy and her
elegant body. They all vanished for 3 years before God healed her. But the good
news is that her husband had entered into a covenant with her, cherished the
godly character that God had formed in her. And it was this same godly character
that fueled her husband’s attraction to her during her ailing time. What a beautiful
testimony!
The fact is this, Gods standards will always prevail in the way it
defines beauty and attraction. In 1 Samuel 16:7, the Bible records this way: “Man looks at the outward appearance, but
the Lord looks at the heart.’’ Have you been judging all potential suitors
based on their outward appearance, or by what is in their hearts?
It’s wise to show a different path, it won’t harm you; in fact, you
will reap good benefits if you choose this path. I appreciate the fact that
since I got born again, the only man that I ever courted with was my husband. And
by the Spirits guidance, I was very keen to focus on the inner details than the
outward. I have seen the goodness of that decision ever since.
I believed that if the inner being is radiant, it would influence the
outward, making it radiant and attractive also! I’m not saying that I never had
men who showed their interests or that I never got attracted to. They came, a
couple of brothers in Christ, and some unbelievers. For the unbelievers, I
dismissed them prudently and for the believers, I had to study what was inside
them before making any committed decision.
You should be very sensitive to who the man really is and not just how
he looks like. Looking for that tall-chocolate and handsome man is no guarantee
for a lasting marriage. Dig deeper for inner signs of attractiveness or
warnings. For example, does he restrain himself before he is about to utter a
curse-like word? Does he always want to be alone with you in private? Does he
signal to his friends to meet in a bar later in the day?
All these are signs of the extras that linger below the outer smooth
talk and good appearance. In a nutshell, you are to choose whomever you want to
marry as long as he is within God’s moral boundaries.
If it happens that you enter into
a relationship with someone because of
looks or his ‘six-pack’ frame, the problem will arise when you take it
too far that you cannot bring yourself to breaking-off the relationship, even
when it shows ugly signs and you may end up marrying a man that you couldn’t
have otherwise married.
May the Lord give you a discerning eye to dissect between the inner and the outward appearance. And when He quickens you to prioritize the inner values above the outward, kindly oblige. Jeremiah 17:10 says: "I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct, according to what his deeds deserve."
