First thing first Diadems; Marry The Word!

I believe you must be so eager to aquaint yourself with what I am about to write on profound simple biblical courtship elements that will make you simply find your charming mate. Yet, I believe that it's impossible to reduce the complexities of marital relations to some simple statements!

You will agree with me that we are surrounded by a global divorce rate of a nearly fifty percent. This does not include desertions, separations or less psyched couples who wonder how they ended up with a heart-on-collision; they simply are not compatible in any way! 

Such scenes have left scars of bitterness on spouses. The appalling state seems to have been catapulted by the worlds believe that a happy marriage is one surrounded with the big three; money, power, and sex. And these have led to poor marital choices!

I tend to think that many follow the wrong majority route just because they are unaware of what to look for in a mate. Others opt to take any human being who "looks like one" owing to desperation, hoping that any flaws will hopefully fade as years go by. Surprisingly, such mates seldom change. Once a butterfly, always a butterfly- it doesn't matter the metamorphic state! Unless the natural DNA is replaced by the spiritual, you will learn to cope with him/her.

But why choose to suffer by derailing Gods standards? I would rather suffer  having gratified the desires of my heavenly father!


Spare yourself the Trouble!

If you as a believer who doesn't follow that which is designed for you- way of truth and godliness, then negative consequences are bound to happen. A biblical model for courtship and marriage is paramount in order for you to avoid the consequences of a stray from the truth. 

A common question that most single believers battle with is this: Who I'm I assigned to marry? 

Well, allow me put the answer this way: Nowhere in the bible does the scriptures teach that a believer is already assigned to a specific marriage partner; it rather says that we are to choose the right kind of a person and avoid the wrong. One scripture that clearly begins the elimination process is 2 Corinthians 6:14-15: "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?"

Therefore, whoever you choose to marry, my dear single, becomes Gods will for you, regardless of what you might think otherwise latter in marriage!

Note: God is a sovereign God. And in his sovereign nature and pleasure, He already knows everything about you before hand, including your marriage partner! He is God and so who are we to question Him concerning what we are not allowed to understand as humans? Just know that as a believer in Jesus Christ, He has the best plans for you (Jeremiah 33:3). Its your role to walk out your salvation by not continuing in sin.

You can only enjoy God-given privileges and rights including a blissful marriage if you discover who you truly are in Him. This rare yet a mysterious understanding can only be ushered from a Kingdom way perspective during courtship.


What's the Kingdom Way Perspective?

Marry God's Word!

Allow me put it this way; be intimate with God. The word should marry you and you should marry the word BEFORE you marry your prince or princess (your potential husband or wife). Jesus is the word. God is the word. 

If you then carry God within you, He will not deny you the spirit of discernment, so that you can know what is right or wrong, He will show you who is an impostor and who is real. Hallelujah!

You will never find total satisfaction in a thrilling romantic love with a human. Why? It is not a man's highest aspirations. If it were, then we couldn't miss a scriptural command to love romantically. Instead, the Bible has commanded us to love God most (Matthew 22:37-40). In Gods love, we can attain the greatest fulfillment that no human can provide.

One of my sister friends was frustrated and lonely because God had not answered her greatest desire: a husband. She got tired of watching, praying and waiting because she was convinced that being single is not the abundant life! Imagine that?

I had to share with her Gods word found in John 10:10, "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that they might have LIFE and have it to the full."(Emphasis mine).

If you do identify with this sister, then let me speak to you.

Christ came to give you life. When you accepted and believed in Him, He became a permanent resident in your life in the person of the precious Holy Spirit. He lives in you. Inside of you. And that is the highest blessing you can be proud of- Christ Himself in you!

Don't misunderstand me; ultimately God created you to experience a romantic human love, it greatly adds a wonderful aroma to your life. But an intimate love relationship with God will always triumph over a human romantic love. God is a jealous God. He is jealous for your affection. And He must lead.


Now, Talk with God

Any relationship will always work when the right communication is at its core. A relationship  with God is no different. Conversing with God happens mainly through your reading of the Word and secondly, through prayer. 

And when you pray, be real to Him, don't be religious, don't be conscious of formulas or "enticing phrases". He is not a complicated God. Just tell Him what is in your heart and mind, just as you would talk to a trusted friend. The more you understand who God is through his word, your mind will be changed. Only then will you be able to discern when he is speaking to you and when he is not.

He will direct your heart even towards your marriage partner because marriage is not a strange issue before him.

Only trust Him, won't you!

Biblical Standpoint on the Purpose of Marriage

If there are people who need to understand more about marriage, then they are Christians (Christ believers). OK, I will start with this:In our society today, many people don't really understand who a christian is. 


Now, I'll start this way:

Did you know that your regular Sunday service attendance does't make you a christian? Again, are you aware that your good confession of your identity as a christian doesn't qualify you as one? Maybe you will still affirm that you have eloquently mastered scripture quotations and that you rarely walk around without your Bible-but does this also make you a Christian?

Don't begin to stone me. Stay with me because I will start to explain what I mean.

I said one important thing in my about page: If you are seeking an untainted truth, then its here.

Now if you give all of the above reasons as justifications for your identity as a christian, well done. I also do it zealously. 

But the core thing is, they are all products of my being a christian. A christian is one at heart first before showing outside! You love the Lord first before you let that love overflow to others!

Remember what Jesus told His disciples in Matthew 7:22? "Many will say to me that day, 'My Lord, my Lord, have we not prophesied in your name, and in your name have cast out demons, and have done many mighty works in your name?'

Who then is a christian?

A christian is a person who has believed in Jesus Christ, shunned his/her former dark life and allowed Christ to lead him/her in the new life of righteousness by faith.The new way of life is what we can term as Christianity. 

Christianity is a RELATIONSHIP and not Religion. A relationship involves a mutual interaction between parties involved. Religion involves set of rules and standards (a custom) that one should adhere to in order to qualify for a deity's approval.

Therefore, a christian has allowed the past to 'go away' and has embraced the newness of Gods Spirit. A christian has been transferred from the kingdom of Satan (darkness) and introduced into the Kingdom of God (Light). In this new kingdom, Hallelujah, a christian is to walk and function in the reality of who he is - a SON (representing all gender);enjoying all the privileges accorded to him. 

A christian has therefore been made right before his Father (God) by the finished work of Jesus Christ at the cross! In the light of this, the only work of a christian is to walk out his/her salvation daily by not doing those things that can grieve his Father. He/she is to ask anything from God through the powerful name of Jesus Christ, who is the firstborn and mediator in this mighty Kingdom. 

Now, it's not satisfactory to claim to be a christian if you don't believe, confess nor show the fruits (actions) that befits a Gods son. Once you are adopted into the new family, its good to be willing to learn the things that pertain to your current nature. You walk in who you are! you walk as a princess or a prince in Gods kingdom.

And something else, A price or a Princess doesn't fight to be in the spotlight. No, they don't compete with outsiders for anything. 

Why? Because they know who and whose they belong!

See? Being a christian is simply letting Jesus LEAD. Making your flesh die as Gods Spirit takes the lead! And when that is done, the glorious fruit of the Holy Spirit will not go unseen in your life. Glory to our Lord. He has made us victors in this mysterious Way! 

Back to marriage; is it Gods Idea?

Again, the reason I gave the introduction of a relationship between a believer and God is for you to understand marriage better. God used this comparison too. It was part of His ordained plan to provide the picture of his love for men and women to the world. 

Just as Christ is married to the church and gave himself to it, loving her (the believer), likewise a man should show this kind of a sacrificial love towards his wife. 

In other words, marriage becomes the means where a couple demonstrates their love for GOD.

The worlds view on marriage is warped. It takes marriage as an end in itself.

But I'm here to confirm to you that marriage is a means of worshiping, serving and glorifying God. Solomon summarizes it so well in Ecclesiastes 12:13: " Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." 

This grand purpose shows us that the sole purpose of  a man is to glorify God and enjoying his presence forever. And that includes appreciating, adoring, being affectionate, and being in subjection to Gods authority. 

As you do this, his manifest blessings (inheritance) shall constantly flow your way. And that includes a MARITAL SPOUSE!

This truth helps my marriage profoundly. To know that I have to see every problem between me and my husband from Gods perspective, makes me glad to obey God. Living together in harmony with my husband requires me to embrace biblical means of conflict resolution and demonstration of Gods Agape (unconditional) love. The same applies to a wise husband.

Covenant or contract: which wins the day?

Since we live in a contract-minded society, it is unfortunate that many christian couples have joined the league of the contractors!

Imagine that?

OK, sorry, I know it's way far from imagination- marriage contracts are here with us!

They are so real that some Christians brag of being in their second, fifth, or tenth marriages- after series of contract terminations!

I think it's prudent for me to first define what a contract is. 

Basically, a contract is an agreement between two or more parties over a commitment to perform a duty. 

Legally speaking though, marriage is viewed as a contract, with some responsibilities and rights whereby if one party fails to meet these contract-targets, he or she will be forcefully made to do so or terminate the marriage making each party part with an equal share of their possessions.

I'm not in any way demonizing a contract marriage. What I am trying to pass across is that a contract or set of contracts should come under the larger umbrella of a covenant because they could be good checks as well as vital part of carrying out a covenant.

A christian will have abandoned the biblical way of perceiving marriage when he or she shifts and maintains the contract-view of marriage. for a believer, marriage should be more than a contract. It is a COVENANT.

A covenant is a tool designed by God to order his relationship between himself and man.Our kinship begun from a divine and everlasting bond initiated when we were adopted into Gods kingdom as sons.

That depicts a strong covenant. Stronger than blood. And this qualifies us as the heirs to Gods family of fortunes!

Whilst a contract involves exchange of promises, a covenant solely majors on exchange of persons involved. The term "Covenant" also means 'a coming together'. 

And because a vow is involved in any covenant, it shows a high degree of seriousness. A marriage vow is directed to God and to each other, in the presence of our families and communities to stand steadfastly in Gods unconditional love during the progressive growth of the marriage.

What then is Gods Primary purpose for marriage?

It is to simply model Christs love for His church. And that is achieved through the development of a godly character ushered from a journey of walking with the Lord. 

Simply put, it's is to bring glory to God by dwelling permanently in his temple (presence).

You see, marriage can be easily turned into an idol when young men and women view marriage as their primary goal. The problem is, this negates Gods initial plan for marriages, which is: To be a glorious state of mutual service to Him.

Here is the summary: The heart of God for marriage is for you to commit yourself to a covenant marriage where you and your partner should constantly embrace Gods steadfast love. This love never ceases.

Try it and you will not be disappointed!

Introduction to marriage: A romantic mystery?

Recently, I came across a hilarious photo in one of the social media platforms; a nine-year-old boy and a seven-year-old girl performing a wedding ceremony! They were gorgeously dressed to the occasion - wearing their best outfits dotted with bush flowers of all sorts. Their guests, who were also the wedding planners, cheered endlessly!

Of course you can guess, due to this long Christmas holiday season, you will be amazed at the episodes these little jewels will throw your way. Well, I believe it's all what is wired in each of us.

These childhood dreams grow gradually into the the desire for a sense of belonging, genuine affection, companionship, independence, desire to bear children, and to bring up a family.

And here is where you are found, my dear Christian single! 

How would this desire be a mystery?

Basically, marriage turns out to be your primary means for achieving the desires of your heart. It doesn't matter how much you have achieved intellectually and materially. Love beats all logic and I guess that is why the Bible records love as being more stronger than death. 

Besides, one of the things that Solomon attests to in Proverbs 30:18-19 as being mysterious and amazing, is a way of a young man with a maiden! Mind-blowing, right?

Most young men and women, desire to be married, whether or not they will admit it. Just like the above "child couple", women have longed for the day they will clad the white dress. And for men, a three-piece suit.

Undoubtedly, all these desires are OK. God placed them in us for His own good pleasure and for our enjoyment. 

This is the reason why you would agree with me that it could be a real mystery! Only sorted out by the mystery master planner - GOD.

Unfortunately, the world has tremendously banked on this vital emotional desire by marketing it wrongly. Starting from dating, wedding plans, wedding apparel, posh garden arrangements, and trendy honeymoon packages, everything seems to prophesy a rosy marriage ahead.

But...Wait, I want us to reason together. And our reasoning will be grounded on an important question: In the light of the secular worlds influence, how should a godly, born-again, and Spirit-filled single man or woman view dating and marriage?

Fine. The key here is for you to come to the realization that you cannot make marriage work by your strength, wisdom, or intellect. You need the power of God.

Many believers are tempted to depend on luck. But luck, just like a slippery path, will disappoint you. Your life will lack love, peace, fulfillment, power and bliss without the Lord. I say this because I have been there.

All attempts to make life favor me, especially by my reasoning, left me frustrated and unfulfilled. Why? Because you and I are still in the same Earth, with the same enemy attacking those who are not on his side. 

And you see, he starts by challenging your reasoning! Your mind becomes his primary battlefield!

Get it? Don't you think that's the reason why our loving Father admonishes us in Romans 12:2 to "...be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-His good, pleasing and perfect will."

See, somebody said that a battle is either won or lost in the mind. I second the fellow.

Now forget about the losing. God sees you a WINNER in every circumstance. And the scriptures attest to that.You should walk by that fact. You can't allow circumstances to control you. God has given you dominion and authority to call "...into being things that were not" (Romans 4:17). 

Profoundly, that includes calling into existence your marriage partner, way before meeting her or him!

In other words, you have been saved, set free,changed, rescued, and made completely whole, to reflect Gods image. Owing to that, you are to continue in his creation business. Yes, you can create your marriage partner out of the spiritual birth canal!

This is a secret that belongs only to the royal priesthood. You are the Kingdom prince or princess. This too is a mystery; not to you as a believer, but to the unbelieving world.

Gods attributes of love, peace, grace, restoration,and power has made this a REALITY. 

What more? A successful marriage is in store for you!

This being my opening post, that's it for today folks. I hope it has shed light on your real identity. Once again, thank you so much for being a part of dateyourdiadem! Be sure to look out for my subsequent post. It will examine and delve into the following critical questions - just what you will want to hear.

• What is the Biblical perspective on the purpose of marriage?
• Is marriage important to God?
• Is marriage a contract or a covenant?
• What is the main reason why you should get married?

Kindly throw me a comment below, I will be glad to get back to you soon. 

See you then.